Post
by Kip » Tue Sep 27, 2016 10:43 am
I thought I'd start dropping a few thoughts back into this thread, as I've mostly ignored it for a while. At times, I like to go back through and check out some of the happenings during my time here.
I was pounded with being humbled the past few days, the first being at the medical clinic. There's a little boy in the mountains we call "El Presidente" - because he is a talker; he's never met a stranger, just friends he doesn't know yet. He's like a politician in that way. Secondly, because I can't pronounce - let alone spell - his name. I had been chatting with him Sunday while he waited to see the doctors and noticed he was wearing a "Holistar" shirt. There are many, many knock-off brands that appear on clothes here. I've gotten good laughs from some (Holsitter, Airopostal, etc.). While I was talking to him and noticing the shirt I was embarrassed for every one of those laughs. Of course, I'd never say anything publicly to someone wearing such a shirt...but they have struck me as funny at times. As I talked with him, I realized the gravity of his lot in life moreso than even in my normal day-to-day. These were probably the best things he owned, dressed for the clinic. A knockoff shirt, ill-fitting pants and shoes that barely clung to his feet because they were clearly not procured for him personally. Despite my curmudgeon-ness, I tend to believe I'm somewhat compassionate - yet in the moment I realized the full brunt of asshole arrogance that I carry around in my head. I might as well have been unexpectedly punched in the breadbasket. It was that tangible. I came home that day still ashamed of my thoughts, even though they'd not been made manifest in word. Lesson learned.
Then, yesterday I saw via friends-of-friends-of-friends that another of my high school classmates had passed away. I haven't seen her in over 25 years, and never really knew her during the years we spent in the same school. Yet, she had a number of humiliating nicknames that all came back to me when I saw the news - which I didn't create, but certainly fortified them, the way school kids do. Even knowing I was a hick schoolkid then, and I'd not participate in that kind of thing at 43 years of age, I hate the fact that those are the memories I have. I hate that if she had any memory of me that's what it'd be. It's a little thing, but has really knocked me on my heels.
I'm not one to carry around undue guilt or remorse. I try to learn from my mistakes and let them go. I reckon I'll just go forward with hopefully a little less jackwagon in my nature.
White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise....